“There is no elevator. You have to take the steps!”
I feel impressed to share my outline of my personal daily inventory with you today. Hopefully, it may be beneficial for someone who needs to read this today. I know I need to share it.
Currently, I usually complete my inventory 2-3 times per week. It is a combination of practicing steps 3, 10, and 11 together.
Over the years, I have found it helpful, especially during very challenging times, to write out my prayers to God. Through my own personal experiences I have come to know that writing in a spirit of prayer can be a very powerful exercise in surrendering my will to my High Power. I have been blessed through God’s grace with answers to the personal prayers I have written and testify that it works for me.
Because I have found it to be so effective, I try to approach each daily inventory in a spirit of prayer. I find it enabling and enlightening. My capacity to be sincere and honest as I pray to God is increased. My surrender to His will becomes a physical action I take as I put pen to paper and write. I know that I am quickened (Moses 6:65, Ephesians 2:5). My ability to crystallize my thoughts and feelings and to receive inspiration and guidance from my Father in Heaven is dramatically increased. As an example, I have included a small portion of an inventory I wrote on 04.16.2013:
“WAS I AFRAID TODAY?
I WAS afraid today. I was afraid of how out of shape I felt in the swimming pool. I'm afraid that I won't be able to figure out a schedule to eat right & work out at the Rec Center that will work for me. I am afraid of not being able to go to as many meetings as I would like to. I am afraid of relatives not liking me. I'm afraid that I will never really get to know my in-laws’s and they will never really get to know me because I withdraw and isolate myself all of the time. I'm afraid that my wife will never really understand that I love her family and that I want to nurture relationships with them and get to know them. I'm afraid of doing a lousy job at work & I'll be stuck in the call center for the rest of my time there. I'm afraid that not having a college degree will hold me back. I'm afraid of relapsing and losing my sobriety. I'm afraid of being misjudged or misperceived. I am afraid of judging or misperceiving others. I'm afraid of taking risks and feeling uncomfortable. I'm afraid of being vulnerable to my wife. I'm afraid of my past, present, and future. I'm afraid of never being able to process, cope, & survive in reality, let alone thrive in reality. I am afraid of losing what I have: my wife, my daughters, my family, my sobriety, my recovery, my health, my mind, my job, my nerve, my self esteem, my reputation, my home, my respect and acceptance. IRONICALLY the only things I am NOT afraid of losing are MY WORRIES, DOUBTS AND FEARS.
WHAT AN INCREDIBLY SICK AND TWISTED PARADOX!!! A paradigm shift and second order change are definitely needed. Something absolutely HAS to change!!!!”
I know now that if I had never attempted the inventory, I would have never realized the paradox in my distorted thinking patterns. Before this entry I was absolutely paralyzed with fear. After this revelation I knew that my Heavenly Father had blessed me with a powerful weapon to my recovery arsenal to neutralize my fear. I might have never discovered that blessing if I had not surrendered my will to God and the instructions in the 10th Step.
So here’s how it works for me. I divide my daily inventory into five parts.
In PART 1, I read aloud to myself Steps 3, 10, and 11 of the 12 Steps found in either the LDS Addiction Recovery Guide or SA White Book. The steps I have written in my inventory are a hybrid of the two.
PART 1
Step 3: Decide to turn my will and my life over to the care of God, the Eternal Father, and His Son, Jesus Christ, as I understand them.
Step 10: Continue to take personal inventory and when I am wrong promptly admit it.
Step 11: Seek through prayer and meditation to know the God’s will and to have the power to carry it out.
In PART 2, I read aloud the 3rd Step Prayer, the Serenity Prayer, and the 10th Step Prayer.
When I first found the rooms, I didn’t know how to sincerely pray. I also knew that if I was serious about taking the 3rd Step, I couldn’t “pray a lie.” (Mark Twain’s Huckleberry Finn, chapter 31). When I read the prayers of the 12 steps, they conveyed the honest thoughts
and desires I wanted to tell my Heavenly Father. As I practiced praying every day, I became more comfortable using my own words instead of the specific words in the recovery prayers provided in the AA Big Book. However, I felt it incredibly important to capture the spirit of the recovery prayers in my own natural prayers. So I started reciting the recovery prayers each morning until I felt more confident to express my true feelings through my natural prayers. In my case, I know that God listened to and answered both because I knew that He knew that I wasn’t making any attempts, “to pray a lie.” I really wanted sobriety and recovery, and I came to believe that taking surrendering my will to His on a daily basis was essential to strengthening my recovery and maintaining an honest sobriety.
I also learned an important principle while studying the scriptures about receiving answers to prayer. In Doctrine & Covenants 29:33, God says that He will “Speak unto you that you may naturally understand…it is given to you that ye may understand, because ye have asked it of me and are agreed.” I love that scripture because it fills me with confidence to trust myself and act in faith when I believe that I am being prompted by the Spirit to take action in response to a heartfelt prayer.
PART 2
3rd Step Prayer
Dear Father,
I offer myself to Thee -
To build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt.
Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will.
Take away my difficulties,
that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help
of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life.
May I do Thy will always!
Serenity Prayer
God,
Grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did,
this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
10th Step Prayer
Dear Father,
Please help me review my day.
Please grant me the willingness to see what Thou would have me see,
in the light Thou would have me see it:
free from morbid reflection, fear, obsessive guilt, and dishonesty.
Heavenly Father, remove my Fears and show me Thy truth.
Show me all the harms I have caused with my behavior
and help me be willing to make amends to one and all.
Help me to be willing to go to any lengths to be
humble, faithful, and prayerful.
Honest, open and willing
in order to obtain the victory over my addictions.
Amen.
In PART 3, I like to break down the Serenity Prayer line by line and inventory my thoughts and feelings according to each principle expressed in the prayer. Here is an example:
PART 3
Serenity Prayer Inventory
Accept the things I cannot change: I cannot change the fact that I must stay at work today instead of wanting to leave because I feel uncomfortable.
Courage to change the things I can: I can choose to take a few minutes to breathe deeply, repeating the mantra: “I surrender myself to God’s care,” trusting that my Higher Power will enable me to do what I cannot do alone for the next 24.
Wisdom to know the difference: I cannot change what occurs externally today. I can
choose to change my actions internally, and trust the process that my thoughts and feelings will change as well.
choose to change my actions internally, and trust the process that my thoughts and feelings will change as well.
Living one day at a time (Living in the Present Moment): I can be present with my life as it is today without worrying about the residue of my past or the illusionary effects of the future. I cannot change the past. I cannot predict the future. With God’s help I can live my life fully, just for today.
Enjoying on moment at a time (Enjoying the Present Moment): I can be observant and express gratitude to all the ways I am being blessed right in this moment. Although I may not know you personally, I am grateful I am making a connection with you right now.
Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace: I know that the pain of recovery is worth the price I pay for my peace of conscience. I am willing to do whatever it takes, all that it takes, for as long as it takes to stay clean and sober and work a healthy recovery.
Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it: I surrender to God my right to run away and escape from my guilt, fear, embarrassment and shame. I will trust in the Lord with all of my heart and lean not unto my own understanding. Just for today, I will live in reality at all costs.
Trusting that He will make all things right: God cannot lie.
if I surrender to His will: I cannot expect God to turn to me and bless me with His grace unless I get His attention by calling to Him sincerely and turn to Him first. I must make the first move.
Having peace of conscience now: Invaluable and worth the price and sacrifice recovery requires. I can finally live with myself today.
Hoping That I will be enabled to have Eternal Life with my family in the future: Because of working the steps, going to meetings, surrendering, and reaching out to other addicts who still suffer, I AM CLEAN! I AM SOBER! AND I HAVE HOPE THAT I CAN BE WITH MY FATHER AND MY FAMILY FOREVER!
When I was a teenager, a very dear and wise friend once told me, “Faith is knowing that Christ is there. Hope is knowing that Christ is there for you.” I know that that is true. It has become a reality for me in my daily life. I know it can be in yours.
As the send task in PART 3, I also try to follow the guidelines for 10th Step inventory in the AA Big Book. Personally, I have found it very beneficial to answer the questions in the Serenity Prayer inventory and the 10th Step Inventory together as one daily inventory. Here are the questions I write about:
10th Step Inventory
Was I resentful today? Towards whom? Why?
Was I selfish today?
Was I dishonest today?
Was I afraid today?
Do I owe an apology to someone today?
Have I kept something to myself which should be discussed with another person at once?
Was I kind and loving toward all today? Why or why not?
What could I have done better today?
Was I thinking of myself most of the time today?
Or was I thinking of what I could do for others today?
What could I pack into the stream of life today?
Did I ask for God’s forgiveness and inquire what corrective actions I should take today?
Did I continually to watch out for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear trying to creep into my day today?
Did I ask God at once to remove them from my heart and mind?
Did I discuss them immediately with someone?
Did I make amends quickly with anyone I harmed today?
Did I resolutely turn my thoughts to someone I could help today?
Is there anything I haven’t written about that I am not taking responsibility for and needs to be addressed and inventoried today?
Were you painfully honest about your day? How do feel having expressed yourself honestly?
Were you a fair witness to yourself and others?
In PART 4, from the list below, I mark which dailies I complete throughout my day. I only checkmark the ones I complete that day. I leave the ones I didn’t complete blank. I find that if I complete at least 5 or 6 of the items on the list every day, as early as I can in the day, God enables me to maintain my sobriety and strengthens my recovery through His grace.
PART 4
SOBRIETY ACTION CHECKLIST
o Did I surrender this morning?
o Did I read my scriptures today?
o Did I do step work today?
o Did I attend a meeting today?
o Did I help another addict today?
o Did I keep my blood sugars under control today?
o Did I take my meds as prescribed today?
o Did I call my sponsor today?
o Did I exercise today?
o Did I participate in anonymous service today?
o Did I meditate today?
o Did I fellowship with my family today?
o Did I express gratitude to my family today?
o Did I fast today?
o Did I attend the temple today?
o Did I study any recovery literature today?
o Did I listen to a speaker today?
o Did I record my victories today?
o Did I return and report to my Heavenly Father before bedtime?
PART 5 appropriately ends with a prayer. I humbly acknowledge my powerlessness over my addictions and admit that I cannot work anything close to a perfect program of recovery. Because I’m painfully aware that I fail and fall or neglect some responsibility every single day, I surrender my addictions and my recovery to Him. I practice being gentle and reminding myself that God does not expect me to be perfect. He wants me to be happy and whole. With His help, I take the opportunity to identify what I can work on during the next 24 to deepen my surrender to His will and ask Him how to make amends with myself and others through the enabling power of my Savior’s atonement. I have to remind myself to take it easy, and allow myself to make mistakes. Progress not perfection is my goal. Here is the prayer I repeat aloud to myself.
PART 5
10th Step Amends Prayer
"Dear Father, please forgive me for my failings today. I know that because of my failings, I was not able to be as effective as I could have been for Thee. Please forgive me and help me do better to recognize and do Thy will. I ask Thee now to show me how to correct the errors I have just outlined. Guide me and direct me. Please remove my arrogance and my fear. Show me how to make my relationships right and grant me the humility and power beyond my own natural ability to recognize and fully do Thy will." (BB 86:1)
I testify that the 12 Steps of recovery work. Daily surrender works. Taking daily inventory works. Daily service works. Daily scripture study works. God can speak to us naturally in ways we will be able to understand. All that He requires is our willingness to make the first move. I remember very clearly and testify that the moment that I did, I found Him on the other side of my willingness. I still find him there as I seek Him each day and invite Him to abide with me.
I testify that you can find Him. He loves you and wants you to seek Him. If it hasn’t occurred already, keep at it. Keep coming back. Keep coming back. Keep coming back. Whatever challenge or blessing you are provided today, keep coming back. The day will soon come when you will find Him on the other side of willingness too. Admit to yourself and to Him that you really are powerless and out of control and that you desperately need Him. You will find Him as you admit your powerlessness, and surrender.
It works when we work it.
Go forward in faith. God is in charge.
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