19 Days Clean and Sober.
What is it like when I'm obsessed with something? Does my thinking follow a pattern?
When I'm obsessed about something I can't stop thinking about it.
Once triggered, my obsessions quickly turn into a desperate thirst to get MORE of WHATEVER I am obsessing about at the time.
The only criterion is that whatever it is, it MUST to make me feel safe/ in control.
I believe that my thinking follows this kind of pattern:
- An event triggers my thinking.
- My need to be in control feels threatened.
- I think about how I can escape or numb myself in order to feel safe and in control.
- I obsess and plan out different methods of acting out as soon as I possibly can so I can feel in control.
- I obsess about the when, where, and how. I obsess about who I must deceive so that I don’t get caught. I have to be in control.
- I act out on my obsession.
- I have a feel a momentary sense of comfort, reassurance, relief, or pleasure.
- Guilt sets in.
- I feel remorse, shame, guilt, and fear.
- I tell myself I am going to change, and begin making first order changes.
- I become discouraged about my progress and fear overtakes me.
- And the cycle starts all over again.
My most desperate thirst is to TO BE IN CONTROL (my addict’s counterfeit to feeling safe.).
What I am…
What I want to be…
3 comments:
I feel the same way I have a problem with pornagraphy an i want it o be done but instead of cdo I have add and I always end up on impure thoughts
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