On February 19, 2012 my mother passed away from Alzheimer's disease. Long before her memory began to fail her I had told her about my addiction to lust. I am grateful that when she passed I had made the decision to be clean and stay clean. I believe she could sense a change occurring in me. I had 23 days of sobriety at the time of her passing.
My mother was my best friend. She lit a fire within me for a love of writing and scripture study. She had a wonderful gift as a writer. I've made the decision that from time to time, I will be sharing some of her writings with you as a tribute to her powerful influence on my life, and to reaffirm my commitment to live my life in recovery one day at a time. This is a journal entry she wouldn't mind me sharing. I love you mom! Miss you!
I remember a talk given by President Kimball many years ago. We were gathered together in a large auditorium in Kansas City, Missouri. The seats were hard and uncomfortable, the building drafty and chilled by a late winter wind. The acoustics of the building were extremely poor and most of the time, I felt every sinew of my body straining to pick up the soft whisper-like voice of the prophet. Yet, to this day, I can call up from the depths of my memory the words and message given that night, the message delivered was deeply imprinted in my heart. The talk he gave changed my life.
President Kimball shared with us the great Joy of the five who had sufficient oil to go in with the bridegroom to the wedding feast.
He also shared with us the great sorrow and regret of those who did not have sufficient oil.
He taught that we could accumulate holy-oil one-drop-at a time, and that we needed to have sufficient oil to be prepared for the times of darkness, storms, and fury that would come to each of us.
So touched and impressed was I by the prophet's words, that I purchased an oil lamp and bottle of oil and an eyedropper. Then, I selected three goals to work on. I rewarded myself each day by dropping one drop of oil into the empty lamp every time I finished one of my daily goals. Three drops was the maximum amount I could put into the lamp each day. I then began to learn the almost indiscernible value of one drop of oil.
My original plan was to acquire enough oil in my lamp by spring to use the lamp as a source of light, should there be a power-failure caused by a storm. However, there were no power failures that year.
Although, I was diligent in keeping to my goals, three drops a day had hardly produced more than a faint ring of color in the bottom of my glass lamp, certainly not enough oil to give light during a storm. I could have been discouraged. Instead, I decided to continue and make that faint ring of color a ruby red sea.
I still have that lamp. It helps me chart a course that has lead me closer to the Savior. The holy oil that fills my inward lamp truly provides light and hope through the trails and tests that come to me.
I know that each of you also possess a lamp, an inward lamp, that can be filled one-drop-at-a-time. Oil for your lamp cannot be bought neither can it be borrowed from anyone else. Holy oil is acquired as you begin to develop more Christ like habits and attitudes.
May you desire to make the necessary changes in your life so that your lamp will be full of holy oil as you prepare to meet our beloved Savior.